Jeremy Clarkson issues apology as he shares worrying update on Diddly Squat

Jeremy Clarkson apologised for his "dishevelled state" during an impassioned address at Hawkstone's VIP Summer Party yesterday (July 14) in the grounds of his Farmer's Dog pub.

He disclosed that farming life has proved so challenging that his trusted colleague Kaleb Cooper was compelled to miss the spectacular event entirely.

Harvesting has recently commenced at Diddly Squat - and according to Jeremy, it's destined to be the "worst" on record.

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Kaleb's brand new combine harvester suffered a breakdown within just 15 minutes of beginning operations - and with so much work remaining, he was obliged to abandon the demonstration he'd planned to showcase a new variant of his beloved Hawkstone beverage, cider.

"We got the combine fixed and then - and this is true for the first time in four months - it rained," Jeremy lamented whilst making excuses for his co-star's non-attendance.

"That soaked all the oats that we were supposed to be harvesting, so I rushed over here, and he sent his apologies. He's simply waiting for the moisture levels to drop so that we can get cracking!"

He further elaborated: "We know we're in for a shocking harvest this year - if there are any farmers here, they would tell you the same thing. Last year was the second worst recorded ever, and we think this year's going to be even worse because it just hasn't rained," reports the Express.

The Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? host subsequently expressed gratitude to the audience for supporting British agriculture during difficult periods by purchasing Hawkstone beer, and quipped that any establishment which refused should be "set on fire".

The crowd burst into fits of giggles as he joked: "If you go in a pub and they're selling Peroni, they're backing Italian farming - and if they're Italian, that's fine, but if they're not, that's just not on, and we should set fire to the place!"

Despite his agricultural gripes, Jeremy Clarkson assured fans that Hawkstone beer was thriving, thanks to their unquenchable thirst for ale, saying it was going "from strength to strength".

At the VIP Summer Party, Jeremy also introduced the Hawkstone Choir, described as "bona fide farmers who can genuinely sing", and presented a "banned advert" which failed to pass advertising standards.

Clarkson humorously confessed his bafflement at the ban, but the audience quickly understood why when they heard the choir's expletive-laden praise of the beer: "F*** me, it's good."

The event was further enlivened by a live gig from the Wurzels, a legendary Somerset band with nearly six decades of history and chart-topping hits like Combine Harvester, The Tractor Song, and I Am A Cider Drinker.

Clarkson's Farm is available to stream on Amazon Prime.